Holiday Reform

Some believe that with Obamacare very nearly in hand, and this being the season of giving, it is high time this country faced what has been referred to as its next single greatest injustice. Experts agree that upwards of 140 million children will not receive adequate holiday gifts this season. They say charities do what they can, but this inequality is simply too large for the private sector. They argue that it is time for the Federal Government to act.
The proposal being envisioned is already being referred to as “The Uncle Samta Bill” by some insiders in Washington.
President Obama wished to be perfectly clear when he stated, “This is not the utopia, er, America I envision. It is time Wall Street, Big Business, Big Oil, the pharmaceutical companies, the insurance industry, bankers, the Chamber of Commerce, and many others too lengthy to mention did their part in the gift giving in this country!”
Senator Harry Reid called this issue “a gross inequity” and compared inaction akin to slavery. He then went on to promise a bill by Christmas 2013.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi stated, “I will not sign any bill that does not include a single giver clause. Parents are already so stressed this time of year. Anytime, and I do mean anytime, the Federal Government can help in easing the responsibilities of ‘the little people’, it simply a must. This reform is no less than our moral duty.”
Senator Mary Landrieu (D-La.), originally opposed to the bill due to private versus public giving issues, has finally fallen into line. From the steps of the just built Louisiana Center for Government Largesse and Social Sustainability said, “I fully back the public plan. Oddly, my fears that the taking of giving out of private hands could somehow lead to a worse individual have now been fully forgotten.”
The Republicans in the House and Senate have stood together in their opposition, questioning the President’s claims that the bill would be deficit neutral and would provide a fair distribution of non-Chinese lead-free toys to all American children.
Former vice-president Dick Cheney said, “For the Democrats to blame the previous administration for a lack of quality, affordable dolls and PlayStations is patently ridiculous.” He added, “And a Happy New Year to you too. In jail!”
Fox News and the Right-wing blogs have been reliably up in arms. They greedily argue that giving and compassion should come from the individual. Glenn Beck even had the gall to claim that parents should hold the ultimate responsibility. The Huffington Post shot back, “For the Right to believe that minorities and single mothers should somehow once again bear the brunt of gifting while investment bankers are receiving record bonuses and the planet is drowning in CO2 is just sickening on its face. It is time for the rich to pay their fair share.”
Keith Olbermann then named George Bush “The Worst Person on Earth” and Michael Moore added, “It’s no surprise that Capitalism has led us down this road. In Africa, the Middle East, and the secular European countries this doesn’t seem to be much of a problem.”
But all this sermonizing is just chatter until the CBO report comes back. The president has promised to keep the budget for this bill under one trillion dollars and vowed to veto any bill coming in over that amount. “Even the Federal Government has its limits. If I was to give every child everything on his or her list, I wouldn’t have the money to nationalize the life insurance and farming industries.”