The Meaning of 'Nuance'

Eureka!! I’ve finally done it. I feel like Isaac Newton or Albert Einstein...you see, I’ve figured it out! Yes! At last, the meaning of ‘nuance’.
And the definition proves that it’s true, it is much harder being a Liberal than being a Conservative. Recent stories point to why...

The Navajo Nation on Friday outlawed same-sex marriages on its reservation. The Tribal Council voted unanimously in favor of legislation that restricts a recognized union to that between a man and a woman, and prohibits plural marriages as well as marriages between close relatives.

Hmm, so here we have an indigenous people attacking, nay abolishing, gay marriage? Uh oh. Where is the non-hypocritical Progressive to fall on this issue? ‘We lust after gay marriage, and yet they are a minority’ ‘The Navajos are anti-gay..damn it! And with Mr. Churchill in our ranks, we can’t be seen as anti-Indian. What a pisser!’ Quite a conundrum.
On the other hand, as a Conservative, this one is easy. No gay marriage=good. A minority group taking responsibility and handling issues on their own=great. Not requiring any extra taxes paid on my part=excellent(wringing my hands per Charles Montgomery Burns).

And...

The Legislative Committee of the Wisconsin Conservation Congress, which introduced the question, said studies in Wisconsin show that feral cats kill millions of small mammals, songbirds and game birds. Those same studies estimate that feral cats kill 47 to 139 million songbirds every year in Wisconsin.

Doh. Poor Liberal PETA members gotta have their tofu panties in a wad over this one. ‘Do we save the cats...or the birds?’ ‘Hmm...little helpless kitties or sweet singing songbirds?’ ‘Or, we could just pass a law requiring all cats to become vegans!’ Decision, decisions.
But as a Conservative, I have it easy. If the cats are the problem, fix it. I feel bad for the little fellers, but if I had rats or racoons causing problems in my abode, I would fix the problem...you would too, admit it.

And...

Between a speech he delivered without notes and a question-answer session, (Howard) Dean regaled an appreciative audience for nearly 90 minutes without once raising his voice, as he did after last year's Iowa primary election. But he did draw howls of laughter by mimicking a drug-snorting Rush Limbaugh.
"I'm not very dignified," he said. "But I'm not running for president anymore."

He’s at it again. ‘Mimicking a drug-snorting Rush Limbaugh.’? That has to be tearing my fair minded Lib friends apart. ‘How can we accept such quotes from the leader of the DNC, and still rail against John Bolton for being mean?’ Ooh, quite a quandary.
But as a Conservative, I say, “Howard Dean. He sure is funny. Just keep him talking.”

And...

Chicago Cubs shortstop Nomar Garciaparra will be sidelined at least two to three months because of a torn left groin.
Garciaparra was placed on the 15-day disabled list yesterday, a day after he got hurt while leaving the batter's box during a game against St. Louis. Cubs trainer Mark O'Neal said the muscle pulled away from the bone.

Bet you FemmiNazis are loving this one. I can hear you now, ‘That patriarchal estrogen hating male got what he deserved! And right where he deserved it!’ ‘Ah, but what of female compassion? What of the higher feminine mentality? Oh screw it, all men are evil!’ Ah, the moral predicament.
But as a Conservative, all I can say is, “Ouch!” (Hey, I know this one was a stretch, but I’m a Cub fan and this one really hurt.)

Well, these stories point out one thing to me, and that is:
Conservative thought and ideology is simple. It is less contradictory. Less ‘nuanced’.
And of course this gives us Conservatives more time to think about what is really important. Like should I buy the Colt or the Smith and Wesson? Or what page of the bible did I leave off on? Or is my V8 Ram ready for an oil change? Or I wonder what’s on Fox News right now? Or have I got my talking points e-mail from Karl Rove yet today?
Apologies to Noah Webster, here is my final definition of ‘nuance’:
>n. a not so subtle contradiction in thought or terms. (my def.)
>v. (usu. be nuanced) to add confusion to. (my def.)
-ORIGIN French, from Latin nubes ‘cloud’* (this one’s real, check it out! ‘cloud’? Ha, couldn’t be more perfect. )

Postscript:
The above is purely meant as sarcasm and irony. Those without a sense of humor may comment, but be assured I will merely laugh at your shallowness and pettiness.
Also, no kittens were killed or injured in the typing of this post. I cannot be held responsible however, for any brain cells that may have been damaged.

*Oxford University Press. WordPerfect dictionary.

Crossposted @ The Wide Awakes