Thank You, Walter Cronkite

I’ve often suspected this to be true. That they must be in touch with some powerful, deeper wisdom that my shallow common sense mired mind simply cannot grasp. But now I have the ultimate proof. No less an expert than Walter Cronkite has at long last opened my mind to the fundamental truth.

We're an ignorant nation right now. We're not really capable I do not think the majority of our people of making the decisions that have to be made at election time and particularly in the selection of their legislatures and their Congress and the presidency of course. I don't think we're bright enough to do the job that would preserve our democracy, our republic. I think we're in serious danger.

Yes, at last I have come to grips with reality. It seems I, along with ‘the majority of our people’, are simply too ignorant to be allowed to vote. On the positive side, that would eliminate me from any responsibility for the negative outcomes of my past voting record. Right, Walter?
And by pointing out my ignorance, Mr. Cronkite, you have opened my eyes to the fact that you and your fellow Liberal elites have always been my betters. You have forced me to reexamine those bits of God given wisdom that many of your Leftist friends are so deeply invested in and as you will see, I have learned a lot...
-Appeasement most always leads to peace. I checked the history books on this one and except for a few anomalies such as WWII, the fall of the Roman Empire, the West’s reaction to the Bolshevik/Communist revolution, Clinton’s dismissal of terrorist attacks, Israel’s attempts to mollify the Palestinians, and a few others, appeasement has almost always nearly virtually just about worked.
-Lack of choice in public education leads unarguably to excellence. OK, so our math and science scores continue to tumble, but now with books from our neighbors in Singapore, I’m sure our kids will be just fine. And the NEA is all about educating our children, right?
-Abortion raises the character of women. Beyond it’s positive psychological effects, abortion’s pro-woman connotation surely makes one a better person. Sure the Constitution guarantees ‘life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness’, but this so-called ‘life’ protection is most definitely overruled by the ‘penumbra of an emanation’ of a ‘right to privacy’.
-The underclass are not our equals. Well that explains the need for affirmative action. And funding of the myriad of social programs such as welfare, medicare, and all the other miscellaneous entitlements the poor and underprivileged just can’t live without.
-Raising taxes increases the cash in government coffers. So what if tax cuts increased the money flowing to Washington under JFK, Reagan, and now G.W.. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. Or three times as the case may be.
-Poverty is solely an economic problem. To say a person’s life style influences their lot in life would be judgmental. How obvious could it be that a man who works hard, studies arduously, and avoids bad behavior deserves no more in his life than an unemployed drug addicted drop out. To expect more for one than the other would be unjust, wouldn’t it?
-Compassion is just one of the things Government does so well. Heck, I pay my taxes, why should I still have to make personal contributions when the federal government takes such great care of its citizenry? I should have compassion for my comrades, I just need to funnel it through Washington.
-Socialism ennobles the soul. Yes, when all men no matter what their merit are deemed equal, all men’s dignity and pride must surely then be equivalent. Hence all nobility finds a single level. Then we merely need to name that level as the penultimate. So I guess Socialism not only ennobles the soul, but leads to the gift that is euphemism.
-Testosterone is the root of all evil. It must be destroyed in all its various forms. The feminization of America means a stronger America. We must always fight against the male and for the female...ending at our borders, of course.
-Disciplining children kills individuality. We should always allow our children vast amounts of freedom to act out however, wherever they like. Any other way would surely destroy their true nature, personality, and understanding of self.
-Religious people are not to be trusted. Just as those who trust in absolutely nothing must always absolutely be trusted. And we are all aware that Christian fundamentalists are just as dangerous as Muslim fundamentalists.
-Enlightenment means moral relativism. There is no evil, just unfortunate circumstances. Well, except for Bush and his cronies and the giant corporations...they are evil.
-Utopia is plausible and Government can end all danger. All we need do when something goes awry or disaster befalls us is simply make another law or two. Look how well this has worked so far.
-The Living and/or Minimum Wage are good for the poor. Sure they increase unemployment and artificially raise prices, but for the poor who actually are able to keep their jobs and afford the inflationary prices, life is oh so much better.
These are just a few of the things I have learned thanks to you showing me the pure ignorance of my ways, Walter. I only hope there is some way I can repay you for opening my once Conservative eyes.
Ah, who am I kidding Wallie, you’re an ass and the only Leftie I would ever vote for is Randy Johnson, and that would be for The Baseball Hall of Fame.

Crossposted @ The Wide Awakes