My Tax Plan

To say I was disappointed with the cowardly, business-as-usual outcome of the recent ‘Federal Tax Reform Panel’ would be somewhat of an understatement. With the revolutionary Fair Tax Plan floating about, the members of the commission had a great opportunity to press for a tax system based on the freedom of choice we Americans ostensibly say that we so long for. But alas, this was not to be the case. Instead, they opted for the status quo. It probably need not be said, but the stance of this commission simply sickens me. And it bolsters my already simmering suspicion of all things Big Government.
But I am, if anything, resilient. So I have decided to get back up, brush myself off, and align myself with the ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’ crowd.
It is obvious that the power brokers and tax pimps in Washington will never be open to a tax system designed to reward the producers and punish the leeches. So, as of this writing, I have officially jumped on board the ‘let’s tax the rich’ crew.
In this light, I have come up with a tax system any intellectually honest moonbat would have no choice but adore. It is a system based on taxing those benevolent, evil creatures the Left loves to smear with the dreaded tag of ‘the rich’. ‘We have that now,’ you say? I beg to differ. What we have now, in our present ‘income tax’, is a system that mistakenly and naively taxes only one’s income. I have a better plan. A plan that actually will hit those loathsome rich where they live, literally. We should no longer simply tax ‘income’, we should instead tax all accrued ‘wealth’. Yes, you read it right, all ‘wealth’.
If we really wish a progressive tax burden on those who can truly afford it, we must tax those American’s who truly hold the most ‘wealth’. If a man makes one hundred thousand dollars a year and blows it all on crack, is this man rich? Is this man wealthy? No, of course he is not. But a politician or actor, let’s say, who claims a pittance of taxable income, yet has an accrued wealth in the tens of millions; is this man rich? Is this man wealthy? Yes, surely he is. And is this not the very individual who, in a Progressive society, should bare the brunt of our Federal tax burden? Well, yes of course it is.
So here’s my plan...
Every possession owned by an individual is tallied as part of that individuals accrued wealth. These include, but are not limited to, cash, bank accounts, stocks, bonds, mutual funds, vehicles, residential and commercial property, personal property, intellectual property, and all other tangible assets. A total ‘personal wealth’ is then established and the citizen is taxed accordingly.
And here is how. We begin with a 2% tax on the first $100,000. Then for every $100,000 of accrued wealth held by an individual, his/her tax rate is raised another 2%. With a final cap of taxation on the wealthiest individual of 75%. Any higher just wouldn’t be right, would it?
So let us look a little closer, an American with a combined wealth of $100,000 or less will only pay 2% in federal taxes. Not bad. But then an evil fat cat CEO with accrued wealth of $2,000,000 will pay 40% on that wealth per year, or $800,000 each and every tax cycle.
Talk about evening the playing field. In a mere three years Mr. Enron will be in the red and living under a bridge in New Orleans. C’mon now Lefties, you gotta love that.
It’s in your genes, Libs, you just gotta fancy a tax on the truly wealthy, right? And I’m sure all your pseudo-socialists friends, living off their trust funds, who have never earned a pay check in their lives, and thus not ever paid a dime in income taxes, will love it as well. As will those actors, musicians, and talking heads who so often harp on how we average Americans need to be more socially compassionate. I am sure John Kerry and his glamourous bride, Teresa, will praise my plan’s Progressive foundation. As will all the Kennedys, the Gores, and all that ‘old’ money. Even Jesse Jackson would have to be on board with my ‘hit The Man where it huts’ tax program.
And to my Right-wing pals, wouldn’t it be nice to finally hit those annoying old money career politicians, idiot Hollywood gas bags, and race/envy baiting tax whores where it pains them the most...in their pocketbooks?
All that said, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see if my idea can gain any momentum. That is, if all the comrades and hypocrites with the real wealth will ever actually get on board. But let’s just say, I’m not ‘withholding’ my breath.