Repost(Again)

I am going to repost this every 2 weeks until one of you progressive religion fearing persons steps up and explains to me how you teach history without mentioning religion.

Miss I.: Good morning children. And welcome to General History 101. I am Miss Information and I’ll be your teacher this year at Land of Fruits and Nuts High School. Well, I see we already have a raised hand. Oh, children look its Jimmy, he has just recently transferred from what we refer to as a Red State...Yes, Jimmy?

Jimmy: Miss I., I recently read about a controversy involving the Declaration of Independence...
Miss I.: Hey, whoa there, sport. Don’t know anything about this supposed Declaration you speak of...Let’s just move on...

Jimmy: But...

Miss I.: Children, who thinks Jimmy needs another Ridalin? Let’s move forward. Our lesson today involves a great Italian free thinker, astronomer, mathematician, and physicist Galileo Galilei. You remember Copernicus from last year, I’m sure. Well, Galileo began to teach Copernicus’s theory that the sun was the center of the solar system. This angered some religi.... um, people, uh in Rome. Some guy named Pope Whatchamicallit or other. Children, a Pope is, hmm how can I put this, a guy that dresses in long flowing robes, drinks lots of wine, and never marries...you know like principal Vidmar.
Any way, they tried him because this disagreed with their belief in, uh, well, stuff. And they convicted him and made him promise to abide by their beliefs in...oh geez, well, hmm....Oh, just forget it. Let’s move on to another lesson. OK, I see another hand up..Suzie, you have a question?

Suzie: Miss I, can I have a condom?

Miss I.: Now, sweetie, you know full well where the dispensing machine in the lunchroom is. But, let’s now talk about the Spanish conquistador Hernad Cortes. He went Cuba in the early 1500's. From there he went on to the heartland of Mexico in search of gold and to spread Cathol....whoa, hold on, let’s just say in search of gold. He soon encountered Montezuma, the emperor of the Aztecs. Well, children Cortes was far out manned but was able to defeat the Aztecs, partly because Montezuma believed Cortes to be his god Quezalcoatl...ooops, did I say god, whoopsy, I of course meant cousin Quezalcoatl...on his mothers side...twice removed. You know what, screw it. I Quit!

Shaniqua: Wait, what about the Crusades....

Jose: Or the Pilgrims...

Mustaf: Or the Holocaust......