Full Circle

Timeline 2075. Anadyr, Chukotka, Siberia

“Hey, Sven.”
“Yes, Vladimir?”
“Another Vodka Pina Colada?”
“‘Absolut’ly”
“Sven, you are one funny surfer dude!”
Absolut Vodka, The Vodka for all your beaching needs.

The preceding ad would have seemed ridiculous just a mere 65 years ago. We here in the Northern Alliance wish to convey our deepest of gratitude to the desert states of the South. And with this in mind, we are offering a free week at any of our all inclusive resorts that dot the tropical coast of our beloved Bering Sea. You need only be a survivor of the cataclysmic rise in global ocean levels that so plagued the Southern superpowers in order to be eligible.
The Northern Alliance states...Russia, Finland, Alaska, Greenland, Sweden, and Nunavut are thankful to all who have had a hand in bringing the tropics to our shores. With an average temperature now of 85 degrees Fahrenheit, beautiful sand beaches, and a growing season of 8 to 10 months, our states are a Utopianist’s dream.
And it never could have happened without the efforts of the entire world community.
Even the American Left pitched in when we brought our case before them just a half century ago. On the one hand there was the threat and fear of Global Warming. On the other, the gross inequality of their countries lying fixed in moderate climates while ours ever remained lifeless frozen wastelands. They capitulated once they understood the stark unfairness in this state of affairs.
Understood the poverty that the ceaseless cold brought forth. Our living wage consisted of enough seal fat to survive the winter.
Understood the woeful lack of doctors needed for our free health care system and on demand abortions.
The utter deficiency in the numbers of homosexuals who at that time chose to live in less difficult environments.
The absence of Liberal indoctrination on people who had to live off the land and on their own individual wits. Uneducated people who actually had the gall to think first of themselves and their own families.
All these injustices they freely understood and embraced. Their compassion was a joy to behold.
We further explained that our wildlife, which at that point was suffering from the mind wrenching cold, would live a more comfortable life if Carbon Dioxide was more favorably embraced.
With that they ditched their hybrids, cancelled their Sierra Club memberships, and cooked on open wood burning stoves. They bought Excursions and went on non-essential trips. In short, they brought equality to our modern world.
You see, they understood that it was not our fault we lived in the far North. That our situation was not one we would willingly have chosen. But one forced upon us by the warm climate Nazi capitalists who would not fairly share their bounty.
So again we of the Northern Alliance, and I am sure those of the Far Southern Pact as well, wish to forward our utmost gratitude and thanks to the American Left and to all those who had a hand in building the fairer world that we inhabit today.

“Hey, Sven.”
“Yes, Vladimir?”
“Did you just feel that cool breeze?”
“Uh oh. Here we go again. Better break out the cheap s***”
Gordon Vodka, for when the Earth’s natural cycle comes full circle.

Crossposted @ The Wide Awakes