Our Take On Jerry Springer

This post is another cooperative effort from the black tainted hearts of G. Blagg and Cracker.
I normally do not believe in attacking people on a personal level, but Cracker has never been held to such a petty morality. But even I find that there are some creatures, with which we unfortunately are doomed to share DNA, that deserve every ounce of vitriol one (or in this case, two) can muster. So here goes.
Jerry Springer is a monkey. Not the cute kind, the kind every little child loves to laugh and point at swinging there at the neighborhood zoo. But the fecal matter tossing, shrieking and screeching, self-pleasuring, embarrassment existing at the other zoo, on the other side of town, on the other side of that plexiglass curtain known as Air America.
He is a bottom feeder. A creature so low he must look skyward to view the bowels of slugs. And if that isn’t bad enough, he continuously displays his incompetence to his tens of listeners daily.
For example, just last week he was lamenting the thought that some people have the gall to believe that just because they had voted a politician into office, then that politician should push for the agenda of those very voters. Perhaps Mr. Springer is unaware his dear America has adopted a Representative government. There are other votes, you see Mr. Springer, than those for ‘Who’s Mother Dresses Too Sexy!’.
Also, last week, he rattled on as to how he was appalled that there were those in the 70's who booed and harassed Vietnam veterans upon their returns home. These feelings seem somewhat fallacious, as he himself was a Vietnam protestor. And protesters, to this day, love to gloat that it was they who ended that bloody and unjust war and ended the ‘baby killers’ wrath. Maybe he should save his feelings of ‘appall’ for ‘I Had Sex With Four Men, Who’s My Baby Daddy?’.
It is odd that Liberals, who love to feel they are the intellectual elite...surely our betters, have to scrape the bottom of the septic tank in order to staff their side of talk radio. Seems to us that Dear Jerry himself has personally had a major hand in the lowering of our society’s culture and morals. His trailer trash orgy, disguised as television entertainment, has itself raised the level of the lowest common denominator to near cultural normalcy. And thus, he is the obvious choice for intelligent morning talk on Air Anti-America. Surely he will have as much success in this endeavor. He has so little distance to travel.
Air America originated as a Leftist alternative to Right-wing zealot radio. As a way to get the Leftist message to the masses. To show America the seriousness of the Progressive’s view of the future. Why is it then that they stock their line up with comedians and low lifes? It may or may not be the choices they have made as to on air personalities that is driving them off the air, but the commentators are the real joke here.
But by far the most frightening aspect of Mr. Springer’s show is that it is the sanest one pouring from that side of the radio dial. And since we both are of the belief that ‘to defeat an enemy one must know him’, we have forced ourselves to listen.
That said, we have found his radio show most disappointing. He continuously drones on about the Iraq ‘war for oil’ and how it is now a ‘quagmire’. His droll delivery and naive commentary are actually physically painful to endure. At least Stuart Smalley makes you laugh...in a Ron Santos ‘we’re laughing at you, not with you’ sort of way.
So we can say we tried. We opened our minds to his drivel. Opened our hearts to his Europe loving leanings. Opened our souls to his Bush hatred and Rove awe. To no avail. We can bear no more. It sadly has come to the point where we would rather watch Bubba and Billy Jo fight over the last tooth in the trailer park than listen to one more word from this thoughtless chimp.

Oh yeah, we don't think Howard Dean has ever done 'an honest days work' in his life and we're pretty sure he has scabies.

Crossposted @ The Wide Awakes