In Other News

When did we enter the land of insanity? All the below stories are true. The names haven’t been changed to attack the guilty.
So here we go, welcome to Bizarro world...

1) From Johan Goldberg @ TownHall.com:

‘Maine State Rep. Brian Duprey introduced an unusual piece of legislation this month. It's a pro-life bill designed to tighten protections for the unborn. That's not the unusual part. That happens all the time. The interesting part is that Duprey's bill is designed to protect gay fetuses.
Rep. Duprey told a local paper, The Magic City Morning Star, that he'd been listening to Rush Limbaugh's radio show when Limbaugh commented that if scientists ever located the genetic cause for homosexuality - the so-called "gay gene" - then homosexuals would become pro-life "overnight."
"Most people would agree that to kill someone just because that person might be gay would constitute a hate crime," Duprey said. "I have heard from women who told me that if they found out that they were carrying a child with the gay gene, then they would abort. I think this is wrong. Those unborn children should be protected." That's why he introduced LD 908, "An Act to Protect Homosexuals from Discrimination."’

Does posting this qualify me as a homophobe?

2) From My Way News:

‘An appeals court said a man can press a claim for emotional distress after learning a former lover had used his sperm to have a baby. But he can't claim theft, the ruling said, because the sperm were hers to keep.’
‘Phillips accuses Dr. Sharon Irons of a "calculated, profound personal betrayal" after their affair six years ago, saying she secretly kept semen after they had oral sex, then used it to get pregnant.’
‘"She asserts that when plaintiff 'delivered' his sperm, it was a gift - an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to property from a donor to a donee," the decision said. "There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request."’

I can’t make this stuff up!


3) From Yahoo.com:

‘A British gum summit, meeting in London Tuesday, outlined proposals to introduce a chewing gum tax to fund cleaning the sticky sweet from streets.’

Oh, but Wrigley fights back...

From ChicagoTribune.com:

‘The company also has developed a gum that is biodegradable--a feature meant to relieve environmental concerns about wads of gum stuck underneath desks or chairs.’

Hey, they can always tax cigarette butts.

4) From SFGate.com:

‘Two former employees of the Gorilla Foundation, home to Koko the "talking" ape, have filed a lawsuit contending that they were ordered to bond with the 33-year-old female simian by displaying their breasts.’
‘‘One example: "On at least two incidents in mid-to-late June 2004, Patterson intensely pressured Keller to expose herself to Koko while they were working outside where other employees could potentially view Keller's naked body. ... On one such occasion, Patterson said, 'Koko, you see my nipples all the time. You are probably bored with my nipples. You need to see new nipples. I will turn my back so Kendra can show you her nipples.' "’

Sorry, can’t help myself, I just have to pose a few questions on this one....

a) Will PETA ignore Koko’s sexual proclivities the way NOW did Clinton’s?
b) Would Koko get more action if she invested in a little bikini waxing?
c) What exactly is the hand signal for ‘nipple’?
d) Must we now redefine ‘marriage’ as a union between two adult primates?
e) Does Koko like boys? Hope so, cause she’s the ‘gorilla my dreams!”

5) From The Age:

‘The director of a German zoo has defended her campaign to mate a group of homosexual male penguins with females, arguing that it is the only way to preserve a dying breed from extinction.’
'Gay groups reacted with outrage when four female penguins were flown in from Sweden to allow keepers to see if they had any influence on the homosexual pairings.
Since then gay activists from as far afield as Australia have been protesting at the zoo's attempts to "cure" the penguins of their homosexuality. The zoo has been bombarded with threatening letters and phone calls saying that gay penguins have a "right to a free choice of partner". But the zoo denies it is trying to influence the penguins' sexual orientation.’

Did I mention they’re penguins!!?

6) From NewsMax.com:

‘Top House Democrat Charlie Rangel said Tuesday that it was an act of discrimination to label groups like Hezbollah "Islamic terrorists."
Asked about the refusal by some European governments to declare Hezbollah an Islamic terror group, Rangel told WWRL's Steve Malzberg and Karen Hunter, "To call it Islamic terror is discriminating, it's bigoted, it is not the right thing to say."
Rangel even questioned whether, in fact, a worldwide Islamic terrorist movement even existed, saying, "We just take for granted that there is an Islamic terror movement because we do have some fanatic people who come from Islamic countries."’

If only Charlie Rangel wasn’t real.

7) From Kathleen Parker again @ TownHall.com:

‘Tests, surveys and studies further confirm America’s increasing ignorance. A test of high school seniors, for example, found that only one in ten was proficient in American history. A survey of fourth graders found that seven of ten thought the original 13 colonies included Illinois, Texas and California.
Six of ten couldn’t say why the Pilgrims came to America. Only seven percent of fourth graders could name “an important event” that took place in Philadelphia in 1776. When seniors at the nation’s top 55 universities were asked to name America’s victorious general at the Battle of Yorktown, only 34 percent named George Washington.
These depressing statistics, which Mount Vernon executive director James Rees rattles off with thinly disguised ennui, shouldn’t be surprising considering that Washington today receives one-tenth the coverage in textbooks that he received 30 years ago. Rees tells of one textbook that offers fewer than 50 lines of text about Washington, but 213 about Marilyn Monroe.’

Your education dollars at work.

What can we do but laugh?