Ted's Blueprint for America

This from the vast, pint deep mind of Ted Kennedy(read here, the following is frighteningly close to the truth), whose very sweat is 80 proof....

‘I propose a new America. Ten simple steps to a truly progressive new, more fair way of life for every American. Paid for of course, by the endless government coffers:
1)Free medical care from cradle to grave. Fee medicine, free abortions, free euthanasia. Oh, but those cruel Republicans will have to pay for the pharmaceuticals used for their beloved capital punishment.
2)Unlimited finances for any American to pursue any education for which he sees fit, remembering of course, that substandard grades may injure his self esteem...we will have none of that. Straight A’s for everyone.
3)A minimum wage of $50.00 per hour. Hell, if we’re serious about a living wage, then damn it, let’s get serious.
4)Unlimited company payed sick/family leave. How much more efficient would an employee be for a company that gives her 50 weeks off a year to take care of personal business. Her morale would skyrocket, thus her production would increase exponentially.
5)Free day care. It is not fair that the American worker should be chained to the home by something as insignificant as his/her children. Let the government raise your kids, we do everything else so well.
6)An increase in Social Security payments along with lowering the age of benefits to 40 years of age. Hell, the program is in such great shape, why not expand it. Those dang ‘the sky is falling’ Republicans want you to face reality..screw that.
7)End all defense spending. It is obvious to every sane American that the reason the world hates us is we intimidate them. We will disband all our armed forces, they are filled with ignorant, value driven, gun loving, professional wrestling following, superstitious, environment hating red staters anyway. No country would dare hurt us when they know we have no armies to defend ourselves. They will surely know the UN would protect us and our way of life.
8)Profit will officially be a crime. ‘Nuff said.
9)Heterosexuality will be banned. Even Nature sometimes makes mistakes, whose says we have to follow Her laws? Laws are for the Judiciary to make anyway, right?
10)The word ‘God’ will be removed from all media...books, television, radio, bibles, etc. Any mention of religion will resort in a massive fine. Schools will teach an updated, modern version of world history. Government, as it should be, will be the new Deity.
I believe with these ten simple steps, we as Americans can finally at long last have the country that our founding fathers had envisioned for us. And lastly, I say this...my glass has been empty since step 3, how the hell does a guy get a Stoli around here?’