Global Warming? Bring It On!

Ironically, I was lying awake last night shivering at the threat of Global Warming. Thinking, worrying, fretting about the dire consequences ahead for me, my family, and friends. Warm winter nights, lower heating costs, sandy beaches in Ontario...the looming menace that is Global warming seemed more than I could stand. That is, until I began to look back rather than forward. The impending doom signaled by iceberg bound polar bears seemed much less intense when I realized just how lucky I have been. Wait. No, ‘lucky’ is not the right word, it smacks too much of passivity. My history shows I am not a passive man. And I am not a lucky man, I am a survivor. Yes, that is a better word...Survivor.
For have I not survived...
Y2k
the 1970's Ice Age
the bird flu pandemic
heterosexual AIDS epidemic
global deforestation
world wide destruction of the ozone layer
end of the world oil supply
global water shortage
the soil erosion scare of the 1980's
killer bees
world overpopulation
massive globe wide species extinctions
acid rain
global famine
the Japanese economic takeover
coffee, eggs, sugar, and trans fats
secondhand smoke
DDT
asbestos
irradiated foods
dioxin
power lines
SARS
Yes, it is clear to me now, I have nothing to fear. A little Global warming? Hah, I scoff. Shorter, more moderate winters? To that I say, “Bring it on!”