My 'Liberal Fear Factor'

In the interest of true understanding, I have decided to put together a Maslowian number line of Liberal fears. What I like to call the 'Liberal Fear Factor'. Beginning with that which the Liberal fears least to that which he/she fears the most.
No need to thank me, it is the least I can do.

1) Terrorists and terrorism. Including but not limited to Al Qaeda, Ansar al-Islam, HAMAS, and any other Islamic based terrorist networks intent upon murdering you and yours. I.E. those who believe that any human so ignorant as to believe in any God but Allah are subhuman and worthy of dismemberment and death.
They’re just poor souls living under the threat of American imperialism. You’d blow yourself up too, if you had to live under the threat of being drug kicking and screaming into the 21st century and the modern world.
Liberal fear factor: 0
2) Emboldening the enemy.
a)The act of appeasement for horrible crimes or attacks which cause the enemy to see America or the West as paper tigers, and thus ensuring future and more horrific assaults. Completely ignoring acts of war or at the very least treating them as a ‘law enforcement’ issue.
b) Smearing the military and its leaders in a time of war. Exposing classified information in a time of war.
c) Giving the enemy war plans. I.E. withdrawal dates and troop numbers.
Sure they’ll be emboldened and much more likely to cause death, disaster, and strife. But we deserve it. Due to, of course, our many crimes and misdeeds committed throughout our checkered history.
Liberal fear factor: 0.5
3) Illegal Immigration. So what if millions of unknowns are swarming across our Southern border. We were all immigrants once, after all. It’s racist not to assume that 100% of these gentle beings have nothing but good intentions. Hell, everybody needs a decent gardener.
Liberal fear factor: 1.0
4) Civil rights violations that actually affect a law abiding citizen on a daily basis. Such things as smoking bans, seat belt laws, forced insurance premiums, affirmative action, theft of our Social Security ‘insurance’, eminent domain violations, anti-gun laws, and the thousands of other nanny state laws and ordinances that make criminals of decent moral Americans.
These are all for the ‘common’ good. As long as one considers ‘common’ to mean the same as Progressive.
Liberal fear factor: 1.5
5) The unlimited patience of the productive. Just keep on adding higher and more excessive taxation and burdens to the employers, productive, and businesses in this country. Their cash and patience is a bottomless pit, is it not? There is a limitless amount of insult they will abide. Forcefully taking the hard earned money from the likes of these people and giving it to homeless alcoholic drug addicted slobs who have burned every bridge ever offered to them surely makes those who have earned it feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Liberal fear factor: 2.0
6) Wal-Mart. If Hitler and Attila the Hun were alive today they surely would own a Wal-Mart. That most evil of all corporations offering jobs to the elderly, those in need of part time work, those with little work experience, and high school and college students. That vile money grubbing entity that brings decent merchandise at low prices to areas where the citizenry can surely benefit from it. That Capitalistic bourgeoisie institution that daily reminds us of the evil that is free enterprise and consumerism. Why don’t they just get it over with and sell Hummers in the parking lot?
Liberal fear factor: 9.8
7) Digging in ANWR. So what if America’s dependence on foreign oil is one of the main causes of its foreign policy strife. So what if that dependence puts her at a disadvantage in case of a full scale war. So what if that dependence leaves her at the whim of Middle Eastern tyrants. So what if gas prices go through the roof(heck, there’s always GW to blame for that). We will be damned if a caribou has to walk an extra half mile to get from one side of that lifeless tundra to the other. Hell, it’s cold up there...that poor beast has got to be freezing! Have a little compassion.
Liberal fear factor: 9.89
8) Christians. Those evil, scheming, conniving bible pushers who blow themselves up in schools and malls, decapitate newsmen, kill innocent women and children, engage in female genital mutilation, fly jets into civilian buildings...hey wait a second, that ‘s not the Christians! Well, they’re evil anyway.
Liberal fear factor: 9.9
9) The viewing of one’s library record. This is no less an attack on one’s civil rights and no less a threat to life and liberty than a train ride to Auschwitz or a week without Cindy Sheehan.
Liberal fear factor: 9.99
10) NSA wiretapping of terrorist suspects and their contacts. How can we sit idly by and let a government institution actually do the job that it was set up to do. And efficiently at that. This can not stand!
Liberal fear factor: 9.999
11) George Bush and his cronies.
a) Those Machiavellian bastards who have not allowed an attack on our soil since 2001, have the economy strong and headed in the right direction, brought freedom to Iraq and Afghanistan, moderated Syria and Lybia, and enacted a National Energy Plan are damn well going to be the end of us all.
b) Their racist/sexist hiring practices should be an embarrassment to us all. Sure there is the first female Secretary of State and a minority as well, but she’s just another aunt Tom. And there was Colin Powell...an uncle Tom. And HUD Secretary, Alphonso Jackson... uncle Tom. And Secretary of Labor, Elaine Chao...aunt Tom-sun. And Attorney General, Alberto Gonzalez...tio Thomas. And Gale Norton Secretary of Interior and Margaret Spellings Secretary of Education both female, sure, but white as the driven snow. Well, Ok there may be some diversity here, but as we all know, it’s only for show.
c) It should be obvious to us all that they are going to institute a Christian fascist regime where we will be forced to go about our lives with little intrusion from the government, lower taxation, and the onus of taking personal responsibility for our own lives. They must not be allowed to get away with this in our Progressive 21st century America!
Liberal fear factor: 10.0
So there you have it. My 'Liberal Fear Factor'. Sure it doesn’t rate with eating cockroaches or drinking nightcrawler shakes, but really what ever does? Hang on, look what’s on Jerry Springer this afternoon...